Pain

Listen while you read: The War on Drugs

Go to bed now, I can tell
Pain is on the way out now
Look away and domino falls away

I know it's hard looking in
Knowing that tomorrow you'll be back again
Hang your head and let me in
I'm waiting so long

I was staring into the light
When I saw you in the distance I knew that you'd be mine
Am I moving back in time
Just standing still?

I met a man with a broken back
He had a fear in his eyes that I could understand
I can't even shake the pain without breaking

I've been pulling on a wire, but it just won't break
I've been turning up the dial, but I hear no sound
I resist what I cannot change
But I wanna find what can't be found

I'm aware that you're tired and lost
Like a dream in the doorway, waiting to be born
But I'm here all alone, just begging

Pull me close and let me hold you in
Give me the deeper understanding of who I am
Yeah, I'm moving back again
I'm waiting here

I'm just pulling on a wire, but it just won't break
I've been turning up the dial, but I hear no sound
I resist what I cannot change, own it in your own way
Yeah, I wanna find what can't be found

~  Adam Granduciel (for The War on Drugs)

Okay, I've been spending too much time inside an old juke box, spinning out songs from so many decades ago. While I recognize fully that those years of my youth provided a renaissance of great music, that magic did not stop . . . unless one chooses to shut oneself off to listening. Good music is still out there. You just might have to search a little harder for it. Enter The War on Drugs. Man, if you like the music that came out of the 60s and 70s, you just have to give this band a listen. A Deeper Understanding, the band's fourth album, was released not quite two months ago.

If the video footage looks slightly familiar to my Northeast friends, that's because it was filmed on the Schuylkill River in Philadelphia. The band is performing out on a barge, in black and white, and the effect serves as a statement to the song's theme. It's a theme that I have been contemplating for quite some time and more acutely since November 8, 2016. Pain.

This morning's newspaper featured a story that seems to be on repeat. It stated that now, four out of ten Americans are obese. Wasn't that long ago that it was three in ten. And those statistics are about obesity, not about being overweight. There's a difference. I am by no means fat-shaming here. The theme is pain. Why are so many Americans obese? Why are there so many opioid addictions? Why is alcohol so abused? Why, why, why?

We are all in pain of varying degrees. We all self-medicate. Some of us choose drugs, some choose alcohol, some choose food, some choose religion. There are as many addictions out there as there are sources of pain. (Well, I don't know if that's really true, but you get my point.) We all just want to numb the pain.

Pull me close and let me hold you in
Give me the deeper understanding of who I am

I'm not even sure I can articulate why those lines get to me. I think it has to do with the solitary way in which we attempt to numb ourselves. While you may be binge-drinking or shooting up or pigging out or praying with other people, what you are doing is really an individual choice you are making. You are your own doctor when it comes to pain relief. If nothing else, pain is personal. Your pain is not my pain, and my pain is not your pain. Pain is lonely, because we feel it alone. "Here, take this. It will make you feel better." And how on earth would you know that?

But go back to those lines. He doesn't say, Pull me close and hold me in. What he is saying gets to the heart of easing our pain. Connection. Pull me close and LET ME HOLD YOU IN. It's a two-way street. Give me the deeper understanding of who I am. And, if the connection is there, I will do the same for you.

Yeah, I wanna find what can't be found.