Once I Was

Listen while you read:  . . . and watch, too.

Once I was a soldier
And I fought on foreign sands for you
Once I was a hunter
And I brought home fresh meat for you
Once I was a lover
And I searched behind your eyes for you
And soon there'll be another
To tell you I was just a lie

And sometimes I wonder
Just for a while
Will you ever remember me?

And though you have forgotten
All of our rubbish dreams
I find myself searching
Through the ashes of our ruins
For the days when we smiled
And the hours that ran wild
With the magic of our eyes
And the silence of our words

And sometimes I wonder
Just for a while
Will you ever remember me?

~  Tim Buckley

Back in February, I wrote about how I discovered Tim Buckley . . . nearly fifty years ago. And fifty years ago, our country was embroiled in the Vietnam War Conflict. (The United States never declared war on Vietnam, so technically, it was a conflict. But yeah, it was a war.) And in 1967, "Once I Was" appeared on Buckley's second album, Goodbye & Hello. Fifty years later, this song can still bring me to tears.

Tonight, PBS will premiere Ken Burns' new project, The Vietnam War: A Film by Ken Burns & Lynn Novick. The 18-hour documentary will be shown in ten episodes. I am planning on watching it, or maybe I should say I am hoping to watch it. I don't really handle disturbing films very well. But Vietnam was monumental in my generation's coming-of-age, and so I feel a responsibility to honor the story by reliving that era. And by doing so, honoring the people of my generation who fought in that war, especially my friend Bill, a Vietnam vet who died last month.

Although "Once I Was" could be written off as an emotive song about a broken relationship and the subsequent lingering heartbreak, it has forever been attached to Vietnam for me. In 1988, HBO released a documentary about the war titled Dear America: Letters Home from Vietnam. I have seen it several times, and it always affects me. If you watched the video linked above, you saw the segment for which "Once I Was" provided the soundtrack. And if your eyes were dry after watching it, well, you are stronger than I.

One of the most powerful works of literature to focus on Vietnam is Tim O'Brien's The Things They Carried. I have read it several times, most recently, last year. If I can handle it, so can you. Consider reading it during or after you watch the Ken Burns film. And then ask yourself, "Why are we still at war??

The answer, my friend, is blowing in the wind.