Only Happy When It Rains

Listen while you read: Raining . . . again.

I'm only happy when it rains
I'm only happy when it's complicated
And though I know you can't appreciate it
I'm only happy when it rains

You know I love it when the news is bad
Why it feels so good to feel so sad?
I'm only happy when it rains

Pour your misery down, pour your misery down on me
Pour your misery down, pour your misery down on me

I'm only happy when it rains
I feel good when things are goin' wrong
I only listen to sad, sad songs
I'm only happy when it rains

I only smile in the dark
My only comfort is the night gone black
I didn't accidentally tell you that
I'm only happy when it rains
You'll get the message by the time I'm through
When I complain about me and you
I'm only happy when it rains

You can keep me company
As long as you don't care

~  Garbage

I spent the second half of May trying to plant a garden in the New Jersey rain. I returned to Florida in early June, and the rain followed me. Every. Single. Day. Except, of course, the day I left. And now here I am, back in New Jersey, and guess what? It's raining. Might as well embrace it.

This old Garbage song from the 1995 album, also called Garbage, has been getting increased airplay lately, perhaps because Garbage and Blondie are touring this summer. (Hey, local peeps . . . did you know that Blondie's Debbie Harry went to Centenary College in Hackettstown?) Although I will be in Idaho the same night as one of their performances, we will be on opposite sides of the state, so I'll have to pass on that opportunity. But there's something nice about knowing that I will be in the same state as Garbage, right?

Garbage said the song was written in jest, a kind of parody of the angst-filled themes of the alternative rock movement of the mid-90s. Despite that, I think there's a kind of truth to be found in the song. No, I'm not saying that I'm only happy when it rains. Far from it. But lately, I've been trying to acknowledge and accept the idea that sadness is not a bad thing. Indeed, sadness is necessary in order to appreciate happiness. And I've long been fond of the quote, "Happiness isn't something you experience; it's something you remember." (Oscar Levant?) So, as I've questioned before in this blog, why the cultural expectation that we should always be happy? Our Declaration of Independence suggests that we are all entitled to "life, liberty, and the pursuit of happiness." No guarantees that we'll find it. But as long as we're here, we might as well keep pursuing it.

Shirley Manson, lead vocalist of Garbage, said that the song is "about wanting love, but knowing life will always get in the way . . . yet not being obliterated by that. It's a song for people that know what it is like to live on the dark side of life. It's about devotion but a different kind. A devotion to the truth and to freedom . . . and to hell with the consequences."

There are consequences to loving a garden, namely groundhogs. I came home to some decimated crops. There are consequences to raising brave and adventurous children. No sooner did I get my daughter back from a year in the Bahamas, then she is off to live in Amman, Jordan for most of the summer. There are consequences to too much rain, as noted in today's flood watch. But there are also consequences to a lack of rain, as there are to raising dependent and frightened children or having no access to fresh produce.

And who says you can't garden in the rain? Pulling weeds is much easier in wet soil than in hard, dry dirt. Perhaps once I get out there and get to work, I will indeed be happy in the rain. It's worth a shot.

You wanna hear about my new obsession?
I'm riding high upon a deep depression

(I'm fine, really. Moderately content, which is about as good as it gets.)