Head On (Hold On To Your Heart)

Listen while you read:  https://youtu.be/kI1PWcTe0W4

There's a knock at your door
You don't even recognize the stranger
It's you from before
Tryin' to warn you about all the dangers
There's a hole in your head
At least that's what everybody's guessing
It's why you're always misread
It's why you sleep but you never feel rested
You never get your rest in

Hold on to your heart
Hold it high above flood waters
Hold on to your heart
Never let nobody drag it under
Hold on to your heart
Even when your body's bitter
Hold on to your heart
Never let nobody take it over
Ever take it over, ever take it over from you

~  Powell, Medders, Hunt (for Man Man)

I don't know much about this Philadelphia "experimental band," Man Man, but I like this song a lot. It appears on their 2013 release On Oni Pond. In one of those serendipitous moments when I was trying to come up with a song for a friend's birthday, "Head On" came on the radio. I immediately knew that I'd found my song.

So this one is for my dear friend Bill who has a heart as big as the moon. Keep holding on to it, Bill.

If you are a regular follower of this blog, you will recall that I visited Bill in North Carolina last month after not having seen him in several years. We had a great visit, a lot of storytelling, laughing, and a bit of crying. Bill has been diagnosed with ALS and is dealing with the limitations that disease has placed upon him. In one of the first stories he told on my visit, Bill recalled a time when he and I were consulting the Ouija board and asked it when we would die. (How brave and careless we were then!) Ouija told him that he would live to be 69. Bill turns 68 today.

I am grateful that I do not remember what Ouija told me about my own mortality.

There's a call on the phone
You don't even recognize the number
It's an old episode of trying to put the lightening 
On the monster of the life you have led that is always a mess
Are you dreaming of death?
Are there ghosts in your chest?
Are you always so restless? Yes, you are
Is that hard?

Of course it's hard. But Bill faces it with the same childlike giggle and eye-winking humor that I have always expected from him. But one cannot be fooled by his demeanor. Underneath that innocence is a wealth of experience, good and bad, and a hell of a lot of wisdom. I can never forget the two maxims that Bill offered to me when we were teens. One was this: "That's drag racing. You win some, you lose some, and some get rained out." (Never mind if you recall that one being about baseball. If Bill says it's drag racing, it's drag racing.) My guess is that Bill is just waiting for the skies to clear.

The other one? "No matter where you go, there you are." I don't know where Bill is going . . . or when, despite the Ouija's prediction . . . but I know that he will be in good company! For today, I want to celebrate 68 years of one of the best human beings I've ever known.

Happy Birthday, Bill! And hold on to your beautiful heart for awhile longer. XO