Good with God

Listen while you read:  https://youtu.be/dDMMd4zx7is

I'm not afraid, I'm good with God
I got my sins, in fact, I got a lot
I got a soul that's good and flawed
I'm good with God, I'm good with God

I'm not afraid, got no regrets
I paid my dues, I paid my debts
I made a mess, but it's my bed
No regrets, no regrets

Goodness knows, I've done you wrong
I'm not too gone to see
All's I know's I'm good with God
I wonder how She feels about me

~  Old 97s and Brandi Carlile

So on some days, when I have the luxury of time, I sort through songs and their lyrics until I settle upon one for that day's blog.  Other days, some event or remembrance dictates the song choice.  And then there are days like today, when I'm occupied with more important things (like visiting my daughter in North Carolina) and I've had no time to think about which song to choose.  But I went to bed last night with a song in my head, and sure enough, it was still there when I woke up this morning.  And then I had that "Duh!" moment.

I am heading out in a couple of hours to return to Florida, but this afternoon, I will be making a surprise visit to a dear old friend whom I have not seen in several years.  Bill was my best guy friend when we were teenagers, and he has remained dear to my heart for over 50 years.  When I think of those teenage years, the same scene is foremost in my memory.  It's 1966, and there's Bill and me, sitting in a booth at Eddie's Restaurant, the popular after-school hang-out in our small hometown.  We're drinking cherry Cokes and listening to Lou Christie on the juke box, or maybe The Rolling Stones.  Bill is teaching me about drag racing, his favorite spectator sport, and I am memorizing the details, mostly because it's way more interesting than my algebra homework.  Bill walks me home later and then hitches a ride to his home, several miles away.

Two years later, Bill is off to Viet Nam and I am off to college.  We become penpals.  Although he does not reveal much about his activities, there are always vague references to "Charlie," and I know enough about the horror of that war to pick up the fear behind his chatty letters.  I kept all 96 of them for a very long time, but somewhere, they disappeared.  Bill did not.  He returned from Nam in tact (at least physically) and we resumed our friendship, although his move to Florida put us back in penpal mode, but without the intensity.  In the years since, we have lived our separate lives, touching base occasionally, but always caring about one another in our hearts and memories.

After a few years back in the Northeast, Bill moved to North Carolina, but Facebook reconnected us. And here we are.  But there's something different.  Bill has been diagnosed with ALS and told that he has a number of months before that disease claims him.  My visit to him today will likely be the last time I see him.

Old 97s released Graveyard Whistling a couple of weeks ago, and "Good with God" is getting a lot of airplay.  The band, teaming up with Brandi Carlile, rock this song with intense rhythm and a bit of Texas twang.  The song is a duet between lead singer Rhett Miller and Carlile, who takes on the persona of God.  The song surprises with Carlile's response to Rhett's opening verse:

You should be scared, I'm not so nice
Many a man has paid the price
You're pretty thick, so I'll tell you twice
I'm not so nice, I'm not so nice

I made you up and I'll break you down
I'll do it slow, how's that sound?
You're just a joke that's going 'round

Clearly, the song raises larger questions about redemption and spiritual reckoning.  We're all going to face this crisis of mortality eventually.  Some of us get caught off-guard, but some of us get to see it coming.  Is that a blessing or a curse?  As reviewer Jonathan Keefe commented, "If hellfire and brimstone are about to rain down, the band sounds unafraid to meet their fate."  I hope my friend Bill is able to get to that place.

Needless to say, today will be a mix of emotions for me.  And I will, once again, question my own standing with God, whoever He or She may be.

You might think you're good with God
We're gonna have to wait and see
I guess we'll have to wait and see

There's one thing I know for certain, though.  Bill, you are good with God.  And with me.